Hey, I'm Robyn, I'm non-binary, and my pronouns are they/them... mic drop
Jokes, I have so much to say, you could be here for hours, you have been warned!
A few months ago I came out as non-binary.
I first came out to my absolutely bloody wonderful girlfriend, who, as you can probably tell, has been the most supportive, life affirming and accepting anchor point for me ever since I cried my eyes out about it to her in bed at a ridiculous time of the morning because I just couldn't quiet the need in my head to just say it.
It was quite an experience for the both of us. For me, not knowing how my very lesbian girlfriend would feel about being with someone who didn't identify as female was terrifying. For her, probably just wanting me to shut up so she can go to sleep (JOKES... mostly) because as it turns out, she's totally fine with it.
The weight that lifted after saying 'hey I'm non-binary and my pronouns are they\them' to just one person was immeasurable. And after, I couldn't wait to just tell people...
I woke up the next morning and came out to everyone at work.
That probably sounds like a daunting and humongous next step, but the thing about CloudCall is that we're all encouraged to unapologetically be exactly who we are. So I didn't think twice about sharing the 'news' with my team, the CloudCall pride group, my colleagues, my peers, my manager, my manager's manager...
I received nothing but kind messages, words of encouragement, unwavering support, and a call from our CMO about what the marketing team as a whole, and the wider business, can do to ensure I'm being addressed correctly.
Literally blown away.
I knew it was going to be easy to come out at work. That's just the type of inclusive environment that CloudCall works hard to provide. But even so, it was overwhelming to be so instantly accepted, no questions asked, by so many people. People who told me to make sure I call them out if they accidentally misgender me, although honestly, no one ever has. And the best part, people who were curious, and keen to learn more about what it means to be non-binary.
Again. Literally. BLOWN. AWAY.
Being part of the CloudCall Pride group, I already knew great things were happening when it came LGBTQIA+ and gender non-conforming equality. Conversations around formally recognising International Non-Binary People's Day, and ensuring that gender-neutral facilities are available were already happening before I came out. I knew it was going to be a positive experience, and yet it was still overwhelming in the best way.
I know not everyone is as lucky as I've been when it comes to coming out at work. Despite the progress we've made in some areas of LGBTQIA+ inclusion and rights, the back stepping in other areas around the world has been nothing short of alarming.
The LGBTQIA+ rights movement is still very much in progress, and this factors into some workplace cultures and how comfortable people may feel coming out. On top of this, while there has been a gradual transformation in gay and lesbian rights over the past 40 years, which has also seen support for and protections of gay and lesbian people at work, trans/gender diverse workers have been historically been and continue to be overlooked.
Research by the Harvard Business Review found that 32% of trans/gender diverse people fear they would lose their job if they came out at work versus just 6% of LGB (lesbian, gay and bisexual) people. And so, it's not surprising that 49% of trans and gender diverse workers try hard to conceal their identity from colleagues, compared to only 13% of LGB workers.
While many think that coming out has nothing to do with work, people who are able to come out at work are happier. When comparing workers who are out to some people or no one at all, those who are completely out at work are significantly more satisfied with their job (29% versus 16%), enthusiastic about their job (40% versus 26%), and proud of their work (51% versus 38%). Not only that, but having a double life - being out in private life but not at work - increases social stress and depression.
Coming out is a constant cost-benefit analysis and requires weighing different risks. A lack of support from co-workers and supervisors, and past experiences of discrimination, often prevent LGBTQIA+ workers from coming out. People are actually more concerned about social exclusion than career penalty. While about 19% of people who are not out at work worry their careers would be ruined if they were, 70% are concerned coming out would make their colleagues uncomfortable around them.
For some LGBTQIA+ workers, living authentically at work remains an aspiration, and I feel incredibly lucky to be in the position I'm in, in a job I absolutely adore, surrounded by people who accept me for being, well, me. Coming out at work has allowed me to focus, grow in confidence, and succeed in ways that I never thought would be possible. So, to everyone at CloudCall that has made my coming out experience such a positive one, from the bottom of my heart, thank you, it means the world.
After coming out at work, I figured I should probably tell my family... (in a very rushed text at nearly midnight because that's how you deal with that conversation Robyn, yep!)
Dealing with my parents, brother, aunties, uncles etc who have never known me as anything but their daughter, sister, niece has been difficult at times. Of course, I never expected things to be perfect from the get go, and we're definitely getting there with using terms like 'child' or 'kid' instead of daughter, 'sibling' instead of sister, and 'nibling' instead of niece (my personal favourite!).
Acceptance is a two-way street, and as long as they're trying and supporting, which I'm happy to say they are, then the occasional pronoun or term slip up isn't a big deal for me. It's a journey that we're all starting together and I'm fortunate enough to be surrounded with people who are willing to learn both in and outside of work.
Still, I'm not out to everyone. Well, I guess I am after publishing this post!
So, hey, I'm Robyn, I'm non-binary, and my pronouns are they/them.
If this has been your first time hearing that, I'll thank you in advance for your acceptance and support. Those that aren't on board.....byeeeeeeeeeeeee!
AGAIN. JOKES. (MOSTLY)!!
I'd just like to finish by saying that if you're reading this and you're struggling with whether or not you should come out at home, or at work, it's okay. You'll know when you're ready. If you are, then great, but if you're not, that's fine too. It's your decision, your life. I'd just say that coming out was the most freeing thing I've ever done. And yeah, I know I'm lucky to have such amazing people surrounding me, but why surround yourself with people who don't accept you for being the amazing person that you are?
They aren't worth it, but your happiness is.
Happy International Coming Out Day everyone!
💛🤍💜🖤 Non-binary Resources 💛🤍💜🖤
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