Language is more than a means of communication; it is a powerful tool that shapes our understanding of identity, respect, and inclusion. For transgender and non-binary individuals, the names they choose to reflect their true selves are deeply significant. When someone refers to them by their former name - a practice known as deadnaming - it can have profound emotional and psychological effects. Deadnaming, whether intentional or accidental, often invalidates a person’s identity, erodes their sense of safety, and reinforces societal stigmas.
Even when unintentional, deadnaming can feel like a denial of someone's authentic self. It may remind individuals of a time when their identity was unacknowledged, contributing to feelings of exclusion, alienation, and even dysphoria. In some cases, it can perpetuate harmful stereotypes and exacerbate mental health challenges, highlighting the urgent need for awareness and sensitivity around this issue.
In this blog, we’ll take a closer look at what deadnaming is, why it is so harmful, and the broader implications it has for transgender and non-binary people. We’ll explore actionable steps individuals, organizations, and communities can take to reduce deadnaming, create affirming spaces, and support those whose identities have long been marginalized. Together, we can foster a culture of respect, understanding, and inclusivity where everyone feels seen and valued for who they truly are.
What is Deadnaming?
Deadnaming refers to the act of calling a transgender or non-binary person by their birth name or a name they no longer use. This practice, whether intentional or unintentional, can be deeply invalidating and distressing for the individual. A person's chosen name is a cornerstone of their identity, and honoring that name is a critical part of showing respect and support.
Deadnaming can occur in various contexts, including social interactions, workplace environments, medical settings, or official documentation. Understanding the nuances of deadnaming is essential to fostering inclusivity and ensuring that transgender and non-binary individuals feel seen and respected.
Types of Deadnaming
Intentional Deadnaming: This occurs when someone deliberately uses a person’s former name to undermine or dismiss their gender identity. Often used as a tool of disrespect or hostility, intentional deadnaming can perpetuate harm and reinforce societal stigmas against transgender and non-binary people.
Unintentional Deadnaming: This happens when someone accidentally uses a person's former name, often out of habit, lack of awareness, or ignorance of the name change. While not malicious, unintentional deadnaming can still have negative effects, serving as a reminder of times when the person’s identity was not recognized or affirmed.
The Significance of a Chosen Name
For many transgender and non-binary individuals, adopting a new name is a profound and affirming step in their journey of self-discovery and authenticity. Their chosen name reflects their true self and often represents a break from a past identity that may have caused discomfort or dysphoria.
Using someone’s chosen name is a simple yet impactful way to validate their identity and show respect. It demonstrates that you acknowledge and affirm who they are today, helping to create a sense of belonging and safety. On the other hand, reverting to a former name - whether intentional or not - can feel like a denial of their identity, reinforcing feelings of exclusion and invalidation.
By understanding what deadnaming is and why it matters, we can take meaningful steps to reduce its occurrence and foster environments where transgender and non-binary individuals feel respected and valued.
My Experience With Deadnaming
I consider myself fortunate to have been given a relatively neutral name at birth. The only clue to my AFAB (Assigned Female at Birth) status was the spelling—Robyn.
In early 2024, several years after coming out as non-binary and trans, I decided to make a change. Robyn became Robin. It was a small adjustment, but one that continues to have a profound impact. Not only does it shape how others perceive me on paper, but it also deepens my connection to my identity every time I use it or write it down. I was lucky in some ways—phonetically, my name didn’t change—but I still felt the sting of discomfort and invalidation when encountering the old spelling in places where it should have been updated, or when someone who knew about the change used it.
Deadnaming, especially when unintentional, often stems from habit, and habits are hard to break. As a psychology student, I’ve recently learned about the effort required to build new neural pathways to replace well-worn ones. This helps explain why family members, particularly parents, often struggle the most with using a person’s chosen name and pronouns. For them, the mental connection between you and your birth name, pronouns, and assigned gender is deeply ingrained, reinforced over years—sometimes decades.
I came out at 29, after nearly three decades of being called she/her, daughter, sister, niece, and Robyn. It’s no surprise that slip-ups happen, and while it’s hard, I find it understandable. That said, understanding isn’t the same as excusing. Slip-ups due to habit are one thing, but failing to make an effort to practice and learn is another.
When I think about those mental pathways, what stands out is that every person has the ability to choose which ones they reinforce. The connection to my deadname, pronouns, and assigned sex at birth is strong only because of repeated use. Without active effort to use my chosen name, Robin, and affirm my pronouns and gender, the original pathway remains dominant, regardless of someone’s good intentions.
It takes time, effort, and consistent practice to build new associations. For those around us, this requires deliberate attention. If it becomes clear over time that someone isn’t making that effort, it’s okay to address it. Respecting someone’s identity is a choice—one that requires action, not just intention.
Why Do People Deadname?
Deadnaming can happen for a variety of reasons, ranging from unintentional mistakes to deliberate acts of harm. Understanding these motivations is crucial in addressing and reducing the occurrence of deadnaming.
Habit or Mistake
Family members, friends, or colleagues who have known someone by their old name may accidentally use it, especially during the early stages of a transition. As we've already said, long-standing habits take time to break, and unintentional slip-ups are common as people adjust to the change. However, while mistakes can happen, consistent effort is necessary to replace old habits with respectful practices.
Ignorance
Some people may not fully understand the significance of a chosen name in affirming a person’s identity. They might perceive the name change as trivial or unnecessary, failing to grasp how deeply it impacts the individual. Educating others about the importance of using the correct name is essential in combating ignorance and fostering inclusivity.
Malice or Transphobia
In some cases, deadnaming is intentional and rooted in prejudice. Malicious deadnaming is often used as a tool to invalidate or undermine a transgender or non-binary person’s identity, perpetuating harm and reinforcing societal stigmas. This deliberate act of disrespect can cause significant emotional distress and contribute to a hostile environment for the individual.
The Impact
Regardless of the reason, deadnaming can feel deeply invalidating and harmful to those on the receiving end. It’s important for allies and advocates to call out deadnaming when it happens and to work towards creating spaces where transgender and non-binary people feel respected and affirmed.
Why is Deadnaming Harmful?
Deadnaming can have profound emotional, psychological, and even physical repercussions for transgender and non-binary individuals. It is more than a simple mistake; it’s an act that can perpetuate harm in several ways.
Invalidates Identity
Deadnaming communicates that a person’s gender identity is not respected or recognized. By using a name they’ve intentionally left behind, it undermines their journey of self-affirmation and forces them to confront an identity they’ve moved beyond. This invalidation can be deeply demoralizing and erode a person’s sense of self.
Triggers Emotional Distress
For many transgender and non-binary people, their birth name is associated with dysphoria, rejection, or painful memories. Hearing it can evoke feelings of discomfort, sadness, or anger, triggering emotional distress that may last long after the incident. The experience can feel like a regression in their journey toward authenticity and self-acceptance.
Exposes Them to Danger
In public or professional settings, deadnaming can unintentionally “out” someone as transgender or non-binary. This can place them in vulnerable situations, exposing them to potential discrimination, harassment, or violence. The risks are particularly heightened in environments where transphobia is prevalent or where safety is not guaranteed.
Reinforces Stigma
Repeatedly using a person’s deadname, even unintentionally, contributes to a broader culture of disrespect and marginalization. It perpetuates the societal stigma surrounding transgender and non-binary identities, reinforcing the harmful notion that their identities are less valid or legitimate.
The Broader Implications of Deadnaming
Deadnaming transcends individual experiences, impacting societal, institutional, and systemic levels. Its effects ripple through critical areas of life, underscoring the importance of awareness and change.
Mental Health
For transgender and non-binary individuals, being deadnamed is more than a simple misstep - it can have profound mental health consequences.
Research Evidence: Studies have consistently shown that being misgendered or deadnamed correlates with increased rates of anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation.
Positive Impact of Affirmation: On the flip side, using a person’s chosen name and pronouns significantly enhances their mental well-being, fostering self-esteem and reducing feelings of alienation.
Professional and Educational Settings
Deadnaming in workplaces or schools can create barriers to success and inclusion.
Hostile Environments: When individuals are deadnamed in professional or academic settings, it can signal a lack of respect or understanding, leading to discomfort and a diminished sense of belonging.
Impact on Performance: Repeated incidents can erode confidence, hinder performance, and discourage participation.
Fostering Inclusivity: Proactive measures like updating records, training staff, and normalizing chosen name usage can transform these spaces into supportive environments where individuals can thrive.
Legal and Administrative Barriers
Many instances of deadnaming stem from systemic issues, particularly in areas where legal name changes are not fully recognized.
Outdated Records: Medical records, government IDs, and official documents that still reflect a person’s birth name can lead to unintentional deadnaming.
Added Stress: Navigating bureaucratic hurdles to update legal documentation often requires time, resources, and emotional energy, compounding stress for transgender and non-binary individuals.
Advocacy for Change: Streamlining legal name-change processes and ensuring that institutions prioritize chosen name usage can alleviate these challenges and promote equality.
Deadnaming is not just an issue of personal discomfort - it highlights systemic shortcomings in how society accommodates and respects transgender and non-binary identities. By addressing these broader implications, we can move closer to creating inclusive environments that uplift and affirm all individuals.
How to Avoid Deadnaming
Avoiding deadnaming is about respect, awareness, and intentionality. Here are actionable steps to help prevent it:
Use Their Chosen Name
Commit to using the person’s chosen name in all contexts. If you’re unsure, ask in a respectful manner, such as:
“What name would you like me to use?”
Using their correct name affirms their identity and shows that you care about their feelings.
Apologize and Correct Yourself
Mistakes happen, but how you respond makes all the difference. If you deadname someone:
Keep It Simple: Apologize quickly and move on without overemphasizing your error.
Incorrect: “Oh no! I can’t believe I said that! I feel terrible.”
Correct: “Sorry, I meant [Chosen Name].”
Avoid Dwelling: Over-apologizing can shift the focus onto your feelings instead of respecting theirs.
Update Records
Take steps to ensure all records reflect the person’s chosen name:
Digital Platforms: Update email accounts, usernames, and virtual meeting profiles.
Institutional Records: Advocate for name changes in official systems like HR databases, class rosters, or medical records to minimize accidental deadnaming.
Educate Yourself and Others
Understanding the importance of chosen names helps you and those around you avoid harmful mistakes.
Learn: Read about the experiences of transgender and non-binary individuals to deepen your empathy.
Share: Discuss these topics with others to foster awareness in your community, workplace, or family.
Practice
If you find it challenging to remember someone’s chosen name:
Repetition: Say the name aloud in private or write it down to build familiarity.
Mental Association: Create connections to help reinforce the correct name, such as linking it to a positive memory or characteristic.
Use Inclusive Language
In addition to names, ensure you use correct pronouns and inclusive terms in all interactions. This demonstrates ongoing respect for their identity.
By making these efforts, you contribute to an environment where transgender and non-binary individuals feel respected, validated, and safe.
Consider this
People change their names for many reasons, and transgender and non-binary individuals are far from the most common group to do so.
Consider this: Do you struggle to adjust when someone changes their name due to:
Marriage?
Divorce?
Adopting a stage name for their career?
Safety concerns or protection?
If the answer is no, ask yourself why name changes by transgender and non-binary individuals might feel different or harder to accept. Reflecting on this can help uncover biases or assumptions that may be worth addressing.
What to Do If You’ve Been Deadnamed
Experiencing deadnaming can be painful, whether it happens accidentally or intentionally. Here are some steps to assert your identity, seek support, and protect your mental well-being:
Set Clear and Firm Boundaries
Communicate your preferred name in a calm and direct manner. It’s important to establish your boundaries and ensure others understand your expectations:
“I go by [Chosen Name] now. Please use that moving forward.”
If the deadnaming persists, consider addressing the behavior more assertively: “I’ve asked you to use [Chosen Name]. It’s important to me that you respect this.”
For repeated issues, it may help to explain how deadnaming affects you emotionally, helping others understand the impact of their actions.
Seek Support from Allies
Building a network of supportive friends, family members, or LGBTQIA+ communities can help you feel affirmed and validated. These allies can:
Provide emotional support when you’re feeling hurt.
Advocate for you in situations where you might need assistance addressing deadnaming.
Offer safe spaces to process and navigate your feelings.
Online groups, local LGBTQIA+ centers, or social platforms often host communities that can offer empathy and advice. Check our Pride Corners Trans and Non-Binary forums!
Advocate for Institutional Change
Deadnaming in workplaces, schools, or other institutional settings can be particularly challenging, as it may arise from outdated records or systemic inefficiencies. Steps you can take include:
Requesting Record Updates: Work with HR, school administrators, or healthcare providers to ensure all documentation reflects your chosen name.
Suggesting Policy Improvements: Advocate for inclusive policies that prevent deadnaming, such as pronoun usage guides or training sessions on respecting transgender and non-binary individuals.
Seeking Legal Recognition: If possible, consider pursuing a legal name change to ensure alignment across official documents and systems.
Protect Your Mental and Emotional Well-Being
Deadnaming can evoke feelings of invalidation, dysphoria, or even trauma. It’s essential to prioritize your mental health in these situations:
Give Yourself Grace: Understand that your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to feel upset or hurt.
Step Away if Needed: In cases where intentional deadnaming persists, consider distancing yourself from the individual or environment to protect your well-being.
Engage with Affirming Resources: Therapy or counseling with professionals experienced in LGBTQIA+ issues can provide tools to navigate these experiences.
Empower Yourself to Speak Up
While addressing deadnaming can feel intimidating, it’s also an opportunity to educate and advocate for respect. Share the significance of your chosen name and identity, emphasizing how small changes in language can create a more inclusive world.
How Society Can Address Deadnaming
Deadnaming is a significant issue, but society can take proactive steps to reduce its occurrence and foster inclusivity. By adopting policies, encouraging education, and promoting empathy, we can create a world where transgender and non-binary individuals are respected and affirmed in all aspects of life. Here’s how we can work together to address this issue:
Adopt Inclusive Policies
Schools, workplaces, healthcare providers, and other institutions must establish policies that support the use of a person’s chosen name and pronouns, regardless of their legal documentation or previous records. These policies can:
Ensure that name changes are respected in all interactions and official documents (e.g., ID cards, employee records, school records).
Make clear that intentional misgendering or deadnaming will not be tolerated.
Offer training and resources for staff and faculty to understand the importance of name and pronoun use, and how it affects the well-being of transgender and non-binary individuals.
Implement Gender-Inclusive Systems
Institutions should develop systems that allow individuals to easily update their names, pronouns, and gender markers across all platforms. These systems might include:
Online forms that enable individuals to update their preferred names in records.
Gender-neutral options on forms, applications, and identification documents.
Collaboration with technology providers to ensure that internal systems accommodate name changes without bureaucratic delays or complications.
Promote Public Awareness Campaigns
Education is key to reducing ignorance and fostering empathy. Public awareness campaigns should:
Raise awareness about transgender and non-binary issues, including the importance of respecting names and pronouns.
Combat harmful stereotypes by showcasing diverse transgender and non-binary experiences in media, community outreach, and public discussions.
Provide accessible information on how to respectfully address people who have changed their names or pronouns, and encourage others to do the same.
Support Allyship
Allyship is vital in challenging deadnaming and ensuring respect for transgender and non-binary people. Allies can help in many ways:
Modeling Inclusive Behavior: Actively use correct names and pronouns for everyone, and educate others about the importance of doing so.
Calling Out Deadnaming: When witnessing deadnaming, allies can politely and firmly correct the situation to reinforce the importance of respecting others’ identities.
Providing Emotional Support: Be there for individuals who are affected by deadnaming, offering a safe space where they can express their feelings and seek guidance.
By engaging in these practices, we can help create a society where everyone, regardless of their gender identity, feels seen, respected, and valued.
Deadnaming is more than a linguistic misstep—it’s a deeply personal issue that can harm the emotional well-being of transgender and non-binary people. By understanding its impact and committing to inclusive practices, we can create spaces where everyone feels seen, respected, and valued.
Whether you’re navigating your own identity or seeking to be an ally, recognizing the importance of chosen names is a simple yet profound way to support the transgender and non-binary community.
Inclusivity begins with small actions. Let’s make every name - and every person - matter.
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